Divorce in the Philippines: A Must or Not?
I’m gonna “burn in hell” for this. 
A few days ago, a newfound textmate and I had (and are still having) an argument on whether divorce should be made available in the country or not. He told me that marriage is and should always be sacred, whatever fucking happens. Coincidentally, I read two mentions about it in friends’ blogs. Non-Filipinos expressed their surprise: Divorce is illegal in the Philippines? Butbutbut [insert a how question here]? 
Yes people, divorce is not legal in my beloved country. WTF, right? The only options available to get out of a choking commitment are Annulment (takes a long time and a lot of money), Legal Separation (you’re still married to the man you abhor…can you even stomach that?), and declaration of nullity (the marriage is void in the first place). The Philippines and Malta are the only nations in the world where divorce is not (yet) legal. Oh, oh! I can’t just leave out the fact that the most notable similarity of these countries is Roman Catholicism, can I? Hehe, I couldn’t resist the urge to point that out. 
Two days ago, an anonymous woman voiced out her frustrations on TV over the lack of divorce laws in the Philippines. But in actuality, there is — an initiative anyway. Last 2005, Gabriela Women’s Party representative Liza Largoza-Maza filed a house bill introducing divorce in the country by amending the Family Code of the Philippines. A segment in 24 Oras, Sagutin ang Isyu (or something like that), asks the stand of senatorial candidates on this issue. Are they for divorce in the Philippines?
John Osmeña: Yes (forgot his reason).
Sonia Roco: No, because it is against the teachings of the Christian church.
Cesar Montano: No, because it’s like encouraging people to look for an easy way out of a lifelong commitment.
Ang Kapatiran (someone from the party): No (same reason as Roco’s).
Now, don’t we see anything wrong with this? No?
When I was in grade school, I was one of the very few students of a Catholic school whose parents were bound only by civil marriage. The head priest (who was also the principal) and nuns told us that two people who didn’t tie the knot in Church are committing a very grave sin against the Lord. I was, needless to say, hurt. Almost everyone looked at me as if I was dirt. I, with a heavy feeling in my 7-year-old heart, sobbed on the way home. For a while, I sulked in a corner and avoided my parents. In my eyes, they were unforgivable sinners.
I share Connie Veneracion’s lamentation:
It is sad that most Filipinos cannot view marriage independently from its religious context. It is even more sad that most Filipinos do not consider themselves validly married unless married in church. Very sad indeed.
I grew up realizing that Christianity isn’t the only religion, but it has an undeniably strong influence in the Philippine [patriarchal] society. But to say that the Philippines is a Christian country is, for me, very wrong. It is just a country where people are predominantly Christian — period. It is not enough reason to impose their own religious foundations to other people, much less in a whole country where people have their own critical minds and set of beliefs. It is not enough reason to impose their own religious standard of morality to every Filipinos. Just please. Shut. Up. And deal with it.
And even if I don’t exactly care about US politics, when I read this transcript of the debate between John Kerry and George W. Bush a couple of years ago, I couldn’t help admiring Kerry for his answer in Question 17 — How can you assure a voter who believes abortion is murder that their tax dollars would not support abortion? (emphasis mine)
First of all, I cannot tell you how deeply I respect the belief about life and when it begins. I’m a Catholic, raised a Catholic. I was an altar boy. Religion has been a huge part of my life. It helped lead me through a war, leads me today.
But I can’t take what is an article of faith for me and legislate it for someone who doesn’t share that article of faith, whether they be agnostic, atheist, Jew, Protestant, whatever. I can’t do that.
I wish it was the same here in the Philippines. I wish those in the government recognized the existence of other religions in the country. Heck, even if it irks me that the Catholic Church is against divorce, don’t get me wrong. I am not blaming them for exercising their freedom of speech. But so much for the “separation of the Church and the State” if the lawmakers are against divorce all because of their religion (and the fear that they’d be condemned by the Church, blah blah blah. They really should stop kissing the bishops’ asses). At the very least, offer the option to those who cannot afford the long process of annulment, the atheists, the agnostics, and other people who are not Christians. The Philippines is not a prisoner of the Church. You go to hell if you believe it is. 
Quoting a part of the Explanatory Note in the house bill,
The bill seeks to introduce divorce in Philippine law with a strong sense of confidence that it will be used responsibly by Filipino couples. This confidence stems from the experiences of Filipino families that show that separation is usually the last resort of many Filipino couples whose marriage has failed. Cases of battered women also support this. Battered women invariably seek separation only after many years of trying to make the marriage work; separation only becomes imperative for them when they realize that it is necessary for their and their children’s survival.
It’s a misconception, really, that everyone takes marriage lightly. That some people are just not responsible enough when it comes to decisions. News for you. No matter how people want to make choices responsibly, there will always be some things that you can’t foresee. Even if you think about getting married to the “man of your dreams” or to “someone you love” a million times, you are not, and will never be, assured that you’re doing the perfect thing. The right thing. I’m not generalizing ha, but when guys court girls, they always put their best foot forward. And sure, you have all the years to get to know each other, but it’s gonna be different when you’re already living together. It’s gonna be different when you already have kids to care for. And it’s gonna be more different with the passage of time. It’s either people change, or people really are just good when it comes to hiding their true colors.
Whether you like it or not, whether it’s legal or not, whether it’s morally right or not, people will still go their separate ways if needed be. And if they meet another person to suffer with, they will still remarry. Divorce doesn’t solve the problems of these people, but so is staying in a marriage you’ve tried hard to save but still failed. What’s more painful/unhealthy for the children: having parents who are perfectly fine with each other although they are not married anymore, or having parents who are always at each other’s throats for the simplest reasons?
Funny. Anti-divorce people say, “Don’t get married if you’re pro-divorce!” But when you cohabit with someone you’re not married to (say, because you you’re just that: pro-divorce), you still earn their ire. Anobatalagakuya? 
Can we just co-exist without stepping on each other’s beliefs? Is it really that hard to be not a religious hypocrite? (yeah, my favorite thing to say) If it goes against your beliefs, fiiiiiiine! Then don’t get a divorce! But geesh, give the others a chance to move on. Just because you’ve decided to remain miserable your whole life doesn’t mean you have to subject others into the same kind of torture.
Tell me why you are for or against divorce, without resorting to reasons based on your religion. I, along with a bunch of other people, have no patience for those people who don’t know how to use their brains and the facts to defend their stand. Believe in your god if you must, and let us believe in whatever we choose (or not choose) to believe in. I know how to respect your faith, so why don’t you do the same with mine? 
I am not saying that strengthening the family as a basic social unit/institution is wrong, but when it tramples on the dignity and well-being of certain individuals (both the woman and her children, for example, if the man is physically abusive or just plain retarded), maybe it’s high time we should be open-minded. Let the people decide for themselves, damnit! I, for one, refuse to be an M to the S and stay in an unhealthy relationship with an abusive moron. Not me. That being said, I strongly believe that divorce should be legalized in the Philippines.
Some recommended reads:
I really think divorce should be implemented in the Philippines. Only Phil and Malta are the 2 countries? No more? Wow. We’re really way behind it.
Annulment DOES take a shitload of money it’s crazy. My ninang is going through one right now and it’s still not processed after almost 2 years. This post is very enlightening. Even with our strong Christian beliefs (in which I am a devout Catholic), I don’t know why it isn’t implemented.
That is why I totally AGREE with you on this one.
Response to :
I think that divorce shouldn’t be legal, because then it’ll make everyone think about who they’re marrying. Unlike here, they think they found “the one”, marry them, and then if it doesn’t work, divorce them. That’s why our divorce rates are high.
LOL, but then that’s just my opinion because of some stuff that had happened recently… =/
I think divorce should be legal there. It is true that usually a person changes after marriage and there are cases that some people are being abused but cant get away from the relationship since there is no divorce and meaing cant move on as well.
If it is about the children, most children here have parents that are divorced but still they manage to live normally and parents still continue with their parental obligations as well.
Anyway, regarding to my prob: the thing is I dont have this .htaccess file and I followed some instructions and when I manage to do it the whole blog disappears and telling me that it is forbidden and the server doesnt allow me to access it. Weird huh!
Juice: No more, yeah. We used to share the limelight with Chile a couple of years ago, but the government opened its eyes and mind. Gawsh, I hope your ninang survives this mess without breaking her back.
Chau: I think the answer to that is in my blog entry itself.
Chas: Your former colleague. Sighs. Truth be told, I’d be happier if my parents were divorced. I wouldn’t be this bitter.
I understand but sometimes we will just have to make the best out of the situation.
Anyway regarding to the .htaccess. yes I dont have one because my wordpress doesnt generate it automatically. I have a feeling that my server is behind this. So I need now to find a way implement this
i will not make a stand (i’m ashamed), but let me just make an observation. rules change, even vatican rules do. long long time ago, popes had wives, there’s even a pope whose wife’s remains is kept under the altar (am not sure now, but i think i read it somewhere). afterwards, marriage for popes (this includes bishops, priests) was not allowed. in the same way, i guess, will it be for divorce. the church, even though painfully slow, still somehow takes the changes in society into consideration.
there are opposing factions in the church–there are the pros and the cons. so it means to say that the leaders see the merits of both pros and cons.
long time ago, masses were ultra conservative, now they are different. divorce would see the light of day in the catholic church–but when? maybe 3 generations after us, and we are all long dead by then.
Hmm, but what you said, the very last sentence, about how divorce should be legalized, huh? Anyways, I was just stating my opinion why I don’t think divorce should be legalized… LOL… It’s because of some personal reasons that had just happened a month ago… =/ So sorry if I just repeated what you said…
For me, it depends. Depende kung ano ang case ng isang magasawa. Kung binubugbog lagi yung babae (and may evidence) let them separate, what’s more ang mga bata lang ang maghihirap. I’ve read sa wikipedia na mas maganda ang buhay ng mga bata after divorce.
Chas: True. And we are, I like to think, making the best out of our situation. Hey, we’re still all alive, right?
Sexy Mom: Indeed, things/rules change. But the Vatican doesn’t hold our throats anymore, and you’d think that because divorce has been made legal in most Christian countries in the world, our legislators will be more open-minded about this thing. It’s not a good thing that they’re turning their backs on reality. What makes me even more sick is that these very lawmakers who preach Christianity are the ones who make the same sins they publicly condemn. Need I make mention of some congressmen who have been accused of having extra-marital affairs? Hay.
In the first place, and I stand by this fact, Philippines is NOT a Christian country; it is a country with a rich culture and a varied set of beliefs. Therefore, people in the government shouldn’t force their religious beliefs and standards on other people.
Chau: I meant that the answer to your comment that not legalizing divorce is in the post itself.
None taken, of course. But I’ve mentioned that there are people who are responsible enough to make their own decisions, but you can never have complete hold of your future, right? My stand is partially due to a personal reason too, if you’ve read my response to Chas. The thing is just making it available as an option.
Christian: The house bill Rep. Laza made provides grounds for divorce, and it covers a lot more than that. I think people should read it first before disagreeing or agreeing with it. She has a raised a few valid points just in her Explanatory Note.
wow. i never knew divorce isn’t legal in the philippines. that must reallly suck. marriage isn’t about politics. marriage isn’t abt religion. it simply is about love. and unfortunately not all loves last a lifetime. i hate it when they over politicize things that are meant to be special and personal.
so yes i totally agree. lift the ban on divorce in the phils!
I don’t like divorce at all. I think it should be only available to people who really need to get away.
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Hmm I don’t agree with Divorce… I remember I had a suitor before (and he was my crush back then heehhe) and we argued about this. Obviously, he was pro-divorce and I wasn’t. I mean with how Filipino minds work… baka maging laro nalang ang kasal dito sa Pilipinas. Hello? With all due respect, tignan mo ang U.S., wala ng sumeseryoso sa kasal. Britney Spears and JLo for example, got married for one day! Hala sige pakasal ngayon, divorce bukas. Ano yun laro?
Regarding yun binubugbog, etc… I think enough grounds naman yun for legal separation. Iba lang ang pangalan pero for me it’s the same thing with divorce. Pwede naman yan currently, hindi nga lang “divorce” ang pangalan - legal separation.
You want the truth? Honestly my mom and dad are separated. But I honestly didn’t feel the impact and I don’t care because I look after my own life. Hindi ako ang tipo ng bata na sisirain ko ang sarili kong buhay dahil lang hiwalay ang nanay at tatay ko. And even with that, my mom is still anti-divorce. Kung ngayon nga lang na hindi legal ang divorce, maraming gago na mga lalaki.. i can’t imagine pag legalized na.
Alam mo depende naman sa pag-iisip ng mga bata yan and how the parents mold them. Parents don’t have to result to divorce. Kung hindi sila magkasundo at laging nagaaway, nagbubugbugan, then file for legal separation. Ganun din naman yun. And personally, mas aayos ang buhay nila at pati ang mga bata kung hindi na magpapakasal sa iba ang mga parents. Why? Kasi kokonti lang naman ang matinong step parents eh. Ako nagpapasalamat ako at hindi na nagpakasal pa ang nanay ko sa ibang lalaki. Bilang babae, baka gago pa makuhang lalaki ng mama ko at syempre dahil hindi naman ako kadugo, sabi nga ng mama ko baka kung ano pang gawin sakin ng magiging step father ko, so mas mainam to stay away from that.
Babae din ako Shari, and I can feel na pag nagkaroon na ng divorce dito sa Pinas, lalong dadami ang mga manloloko at manggagamit na mga lalaki. Babae din ang lugi in the end. I don’t know but it’s a bad mojo for me…
That’s weird that divorce is illegal. But I don’t think that would be such a bad thing because it makes it less likely to happen. But then again, it might just make it more people are cheating on each other. As for me, I will never get a divorce anyway. If I marry someone I’m going to make sure it’s the right person and work through every problem we encounter. I’m very traditional. It helps that I come from a family where my parents haven’t gotten a divorce and neither have my b/f’s parents so I think we would be able to stay together for ever if that’s what we decide.
Ivy: Agreed. I so agree.
Annie: It is for the people who need to get away.
Ate Ems: Why are you basing your views on US alone? How about the other countries where divorce is legal? Or, to make my point more clear, the Christian countries where divorce is legal? And it’s highly exaggerating that no one in the US is taking marriage seriously. And, uhm, celebrities as your “standard”? I don’t think so.
Response to :
As I’ve told Christian, there are grounds for divorce, and they’re not easy to meet. Hindi pa rin basta-basta makakapag-file ng divorce. The reason why it’s there is because of the cost of annulment and legal separation na sobrang mahal, that there’s another chance for marriage. Imbes na magsiraan kayo ng asawa mo just to annul your marriage (dahil nga kelangan patunayan na psychologically incapacitated ang isang tao), resort to less damaging option.
And I don’t really think that men will get worse, because if you haven’t noticed, most Filipino families are already broken/abandoned, but WITHOUT the legalities. Kahit anong mangyari, manloloko at manggagamit pa rin ang mga tao (hindi lang mga lalaki, because I find this hypocritical in most sense). But if you’d still stress this point, I’m willing to take the risk just to fight for my own sense of self-fulfillment and happiness — just as the other abused women deserve the same chance for this one.
I repeat, there are certain grounds (5) on which one person can file for a divorce. And borrowing your own words, babae rin ako. May karapatan din akong kumalas sa isang relasyong puro pang-aabuso. Hindi ko kaya ang kamahalan ng annulment na isang napakatagal na proseso, at hindi ko maatim ang ideyang kasal pa rin ako sa lalaking halos patayin na ako at ang mga anak ko kung legal separation lang.
Let’s think outside the box.
Deanna: I would personally not resort to divorce myself unless absolutely necessary. But there are just some things that can’t be resolved with just a talk. Or numerous talks. As I’ve mentioned before, at the very least, offer the option.
I’m half filipino by way of my mother. My father was Navy and he met her while he was on shore duty at Subic Bay. 1 year later, they were living in California and I was born.
My mom and my real father divorced when I was 14. My father was an alocholic and he beat my mom on the regular. I can’t imagine what life would have been like if my mom had to stay married to him.
This reminds me of our graded recitation in Filipino which is speaking out your opinions about divorce and gay people and racism.
I dont want divorce in our country, because a lot of people might start thinking “oh let’s get married, I mean we could get divorced if it doesnt work out anyway”
but at the same time, I have classmates whose parents are seperated, so I think divorce could be helpful… to some people.
I’m just afraid people might not take marriage seriously anymore because of legalizing divorce.
Good thing I don’t live in Philipino….
So it’s a win-win situation.
I feel kind of sorry for people living there, though. They should have the right to say that “This person isn’t the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I quit.” But on the other hand, they save a lot of time and money in divorce cases, divorce filings, etc.
Without actually having any first-hand experience of life in the Phillipines, can I just say…what a load of crap.
People change. Someone you love now, you might not love in ten years time. They might turn out to be someone entirely different. You might be placed into a compromising situation - either separation or severe emotional/physical abuse.
What then? Stay in the marriage and ruin any possible chance for personal happiness? What a load of tosh.
Michele: I’m glad you and your mother didn’t have to go through such a long rough time with your father.
Isley: Misconception. It really isn’t that easy to get divorce as some people think it is. No. If people don’t take marriage seriously in the first place, divorce or no divorce, they will still do the same old thing.
Grace: Yeah. If you only know how people live here. They can’t even afford to eat three times a day; I wonder what those who want to push for annulment have to go through.
Amanda:
Sadly, you’re right. But not many people see it in that light. :shake;
For me, isang anak ng dalawang tao. I also agree that divorce should be legal here in the philippines. Para sa akin lang ah.. Bakit kelangan pang magsama ng mag-asawa kung nawala na ang respeto nila sa isa’t-isa? But if they still can save their marriage then they should, for the sake of their children.
When I marry, my husband will become my family. I will never leave my family behind. That’s why I will never divorce.
I’ve said this in Kat’s blog already, but marriage isn’t just about romance and feelings anymore. You are now accountable to your spouse and your children. You have to think about all of them. In my personal experience, my parents had a really big crisis in the past, and I cried every night and wished they would divorce just to end the pain. But they didn’t. Eventually, everything worked out and we’re all still together and now happy. It’s because my mom refused to jeopardize her family. I’m glad we didn’t drift apart. If my parents can overcome something like that, I can too.
Anyway, that’s just my personal conviction. I think it’s all worth it if both parties agree to solve the problem, but of course, not everyone is so lucky. I don’t have an absolute stance on whether people should or shouldn’t divorce. I wish I can tell them, “Hang in there and solve your problems,” but I know it’s none of my business. But I also know that overcoming an emotional crisis will really bring a family together. I don’t know… I feel like people who divorce give up on their family, and to me that’s a tragedy.
Btw Shari, your textarea is too small. I had to keep scrolling up and down to see what I just typed.
Edit: Forgot to add. Personal convictions aside, I think civil marriages taken place outside the church may be legally divorced. A church marriage should follow the teachings of the church, naturally. Long story short, follow the rules of the respective laws.
I think that if the need for it arises, divorce SHOULD be an option. Even though it’s really hard for me to imagine how you could fall out of love with someone who you were in love with enough that you agreed to marry them, I know that it happens. And then there are those who are physically abused… and those who have to deal with their spouse’s infidelity.
BUT, at the same time, I’m kind of hesitant to make it so easy. Here in the US, you can basically send your spouse divorce papers through email. You can simply cite “irreconcilable differences” as your reason and get away with it. Waaayyy too many people divorce. We have the infamous Vegas weddings. And, heaven knows, I’m not just referring to Britney Spears’ 55-hour wedding.
I don’t think any country should make their divorce laws as easy as they are here (and maybe we should revise our laws too). But then again, I am not sure how divorces could be regulated. I don’t know when we could tell people to try to work things out and when to tell them with just hearing their story once that, “Okay, you guys do need to go your separate ways”
Oh, and lastly, about the civil wedding issue, that is just B.S.! I don’t see why people would think that you have to wed inside a church to make your wedding valid. I think that God will not hate you and refuse to give you his blessings if you don’t want an elaborate wedding where you would have to pay the church a certain amount of money for an hour-long ceremony.
dang. i dont really know what to say about this.
i found this topic very timely.
just last night, it was the heart of the talk between me and my two other friends while sharing a bottle of Fundador.
Divorce, as i believe, is a must for our country. I am agnostic. I am 21, not yet married, but is optimistic of having a good family in the future, hoping not to involve myself in the process of separation.
I hope people dont get me wrong but, marriage is a lifelong engagement, that is, if you share the same feeling. We humans are unstructured beings. We are very much imperfect creations. In time, feelings of love fades. And this lifelong engagement cannot be maintain by a contract.
Hi ate grabe ngayun lang ako nakarinig ng textmate na may sense kausap kasi ung mga nagiging textmate ko mga super walang sense. Pero about sa divorce kung ako un uhmm i will allow divorce kasi pinayagan na nga nila ung annilment eh bakit hindi narin isama ung divorce diva/?
Mina: Yeah. All I’m really asking is to offer it as an option. Gawd, I sound like a broken record hehe.
Aravis: If I marry, I’d try hard not to leave my family behind if everything is so shitty in the relationship. I agree, it isn’t about romance or feelings anymore, but let’s face it. The average Filipino family is composed of a drunkard, a martyr, and their children. I personally would’ve been happier if only my parents just separated instead of me growing up seeing my dad beat up my mom, and turning his unexplainable anger towards me. Case to case basis kasi ito eh. Anyway, what browser are you using? Hmmm…Sige, lakihan ko na lang. Okay lang kasi kasi sa browser ko.
Will continue the response later. We’re off for dinner.
If the woman is physically abusive or just plain retarded I would say you divorce. If this is not allowed by law you pack your bags and you go living somewhere else (without or with a girl with more brains! ;-))
Felisa: Sighs. It is needed by many women (and men hehe). And really, getting a divorce is not gonna be easy for both parties here in the Philippines, because the bill still considers the conservative Filipinos. But at least there’s a chance to cut all ties from someone you hate, right?
Aichee: It really is hard to make a stand, eh?
Lance: Me too. I’m hoping I won’t have to deal with any kind of separation, but there are just some things that are out of our hands. *sighs* Sabi nga ng isa, “Marriage is a contract. And this contract can be breached.” Haha. Bad.
Sherica: Hehe, I almost never respond to textmates whom I cannot talk sense with.
Wag ka magalala, makakakilala ka rin ng may sense. Onga, that’s also a point on the side of the pro-divorce people. May annulment naman, why not divorce? Mas mura pa.
Sidney: Yebah! Korak!
blah…blah..blah…those against divorce only justification is religion…all its teachings, beliefs etc… Well- religion is also the very reason why we are a poor and overpopulated country, religion is also why we are not united in one God! Religion is simply made by man for business using God as a capital. Remember- God has no religion.The most heinous crimes recorded in history are due to the most noble cause in the name of religion!
The main point is that reality dictates that there should be divorce. Here in the Philippines, even if theres no divorce, marriages still break up, they cohabit w/ someone else , have children w/ someone else etc… This alone already is an “immoral” society- so what makes you think not legalizing divorce prevents all these???
If you guys who are so much anti-divorce- well…look around you…do you enjoy it when you see someone suffering because of a bad marriage? you brainwashed religious freaks think that suffering is a blessing and will soon be rewarded by God? do you think irreconcilable couples fighting everyday is a good environment for the children? w/c is better - to come from a broken home or to live in a broken home? I have friends who now has bigger problems- why? they listened to their priest,catholic communities etc… they stuck it out w/ their husbands to “make things work”, in the meantime..more children…until one day, their marriage still broke up due to irreconcilable differences. Now- single, 5 kids to feed, quite old to start a career and even look for a new life partner!!!! Life is short and wow! her fruitful and youthful years were wasted!!! Pls. don’t bullshit by saying the children are blessings. That is beside the point! The point is what quality life can she now give her children and herself. Well…let us all kneel down and pray…hohummm…
W/ or w/out legalization of divorce- marriages continue to breakup! The dominant Catholic religion in the country will soon die a natural death. Their followers are waning. I do not expect divorce to be legalize in the near future. Religion and politics are symbiotic. Politicians will not push for something that will earn them the ire of the catholic church, ergo- losing votes! Divorce will only be possible when Catholicism has waned immensely, thus losing its clout. Then one day… divorce will eventually be legalized.
Mhh, in a way i do think that divorce makes the people think that marriage is something simple and that they can divorce and marry other any time..
Even if there’s immorality, there has to be less than in other countries where divorce is legal.. no?
Take care! (:
[...] And that I shouldn’t even think of legalizing divorce in the country. [...]
Response to 4055:
Philippines..less immorality than in other countries???? thats a joke…. we are no. 1 in corruption… re broken marriages due to infedility- we rank higher than the US in ratio…we have so many deadbeat fathers that do not support the children nor can you even have them arrested!!! so may wives w/ no support- NOTHING! Educate yourself…open your eyes. look at your surroundings….if you think we are less in moral decay due to no divorce compared to advanced countries like the US….well- too bad if we are dominated you people like you who lives in a world not facing reality…tsk…tsk… theres just so many simpletons like you though….beliefs shackled by the ideals fed by religion… this is why we are going to remain as a 3rd world country for a long time still…
I believe that divorce should be available to any Filipino, it offers a lot of benefits to current failed marriages. What we want to avoid is creating a culture of convenience, where weddings and divorces are done on a whim. Divorce should be considered as the last resort.
I have very weird views in regards to divorce. At some point, I do think that it isn’t right. I mean, you see people marrying, divorcing, and remarrying - it’s like they’re changing shirts… or underwear. I guess the presence of divorce just causes people to forget about honoring marriage vows.
But of course, situations vary. I guess it just depends on the situation. If people are getting hurt, or whatever, I guess that’s all the more reason for a couple to get divorced.
very well written post, shari.
best point was the quote from kerry. “I can’t take what is an article of faith for me and legislate it for someone who doesn’t share that article of faith.” yup, because that would violate the principle that all our citizens enjoy equal protection of the laws, plus violate the principle of separation of church and state. as far as a democracy is concerned, the law must be equal regardless of religious belief, giving no advantage nor marginalization for any single creed.
i’m of the opinion that unless we as citizens learn that the republic should NOT be beholden to ANY church, we’ll lag in political growth… i.e., among issues like divorce, population management, gender equality, and others that are currently being treated in a medieval manner by people still living by medieval principles.
on another tangent: i’ve often wanted to bitch-slap people who are proud of the misnomer “the only christian country in asia” when referring to the philippines. why? simply because the use of this gives our REPUBLIC the same status as a FUNDAMENTALIST nation, and likewise gives the impression that non-christian filipinos (e.g., muslims, buddhists, animists, atheists, agnostics, et al) are second class citizens.
my two cents, and some.
@Shari
- I got the ff: info from Katrina Legarda’s website
Response to :
I am a Catholic. I was brought up under the strict practices of the Catholic Church. Me and my siblings all graduated from exclusive Catholic schools. I used to go to hear mass every day. So I guess in that way I should be supportive of my religion’s beliefs and policies if you may. But I dont. I agree with what the above bill is trying to achieve. I agree that Divorce should be allowed to married couples as an option. I do not agree that Divorce should be used as lightly as it is used in other countries like the United States. I am also not looking for an option to get out of my marriage “in case things dont work out” because honestly I cannot imagine it not working out and I think I’ll die if it didnt (exagg of course). But I love my husband very much. I love my family and I dont want to have to resort to any kind of separation - legal or not.
Many do not know that Divorce will also make things easier for the children. Annulment results in the dissolution of your marriage - as if it never happened. So what happens to your children? Do you have to imagine them as non-existent as well? Once your marriage is dissolved, your children’s rights are too. Think about that.
Not legalizing divorce will not prevent married people from not honoring their marriage vows. It is happening right now and in many marriages than we care to think about.
If you dont agree with Divorce makes sure that it is because this is what you believe in and this is what works for you and your family… not because it is not allowed by your religion or your Church.
Failed marriages and their effects are already hard enough to deal with, without having your whole family or whole community looking at you like youre the devil for having a failed marriage. As if anyone really wants to fail… tsk tsk.
I am still constructing my stand on this one.
I personally think that divorce should be implemented here. Annulment is such a lengthy and expensive process and I feel sorry for separated couples who cannot go on with their lives because of this.
It’s a fact of life that sometimes a relationship does not work. I think couples should be given a chance to go on with their separate lives. Divorce is a better and quicker option than annulment.
[...] all in just one post. I do come up with some sensible things from time to time, like, for example, my take on legalizing divorce in the Philippines and the boycott Nestlé campaign. I sometimes write about my lovelife — or the emptiness of [...]
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Infidel Links #1
Dodi: Ahh, whoever you are, let me hug you.
You’ve written all the unspoken (unwritten, blah) words in this entry. I just didn’t want to outrightly offend anyone because most of the visitors of my site are devout Catholics. But anyway, you speak the truth. I agree with you. And if it matters, Irina is from Mexico. I guess she really doesn’t have a solid idea of the Philippine’s situation. 
Fredo: True. I hope that day comes…And soon!
Lexie: One word: reality. It happens, right?
Jester-in-Exile: Thanks.
And I dare say that’s worth a million bucks. Of course we realize that the government is practically on chokehold by the church. Even the lawmakers know this — but politicians, I think, are afraid. Though the religious people can’t make them win, they can certainly make them [the tics] lose the elections. So they try hard to please these people.
Meanwhile, the military says it does not meddle in the elections, but look who’s lying now. Sort of like in religion and politics, eh?
Ate Apples: Ahh, I should have mentioned that there have been several attempts to pass bills to introduce divorce in the country, but…you know what happens. Agreed. But Filipinos are emotional by nature, and their first fortress is their religion. Sana gamitin din nila common sense, kahit minsan. It’s getting to be a drag watching/meeting people who are desperately trying to work things out with their partners, but miserably failing in the end. Ako man, I think I wouldn’t give in and file for any kind of separation if I get married (errr, although I don’t really believe in marriage talaga, harhar). But some people need divorce as an option. It’s just right that the government makes it available for them.
Ann: *nudges* *nudges*
Ate Rach: I’m glad you share my stand on this one.
Michael: Ooof, thanks.
going for legalizing divorce does not mean not beliving in the institution of marriage. i was married for 10 yrs. though i was just 18 yrs. old when i got married, i never wanted to end up separated w/ 3 kids to sustain plus no means of income. i tried my best. my ex was in and out of the drug rehab..he was more in than out! i know no one ever entered into a marriage w/ divorce in mind. we all want to live happily ever after. i tried hard to keep my marriage but circumstances became so unbearable.
Now, i lead a very satisfied and happy life , have my own fashion jewelries export business, able to give my 3 kids quality life and some luxuries. Our home is very peaceful and relaxed . i was also able to afford to get a lawyer for the annulment w/c i couldn’t afford then. i would never have achieved all these if i opted to stay married w/ a very irresponsible person. i would have ended up crazy and reared psychotic chilldren. now, i can focus on more productive things and not just wallow in misery. i am a better person. my relationship w/ my kids is just perfect in the same way that they are very open to me in all things. i have a new life partner who earned our love and respect since he is very responsible. Though i pray, he is my last love - i am more realistic now. i believe that love is seeing 2 wrinkled hands holding each other ,withstanding the test of time…maybe then we will get married for eternity. i believe this is a stronger foundation for marriage - mutual love and respect and not just being together because of a piece of paper. my source confidence stems from rearing wonderful, stable children and having a day to day loving,respectful and caring relationship w/ someone . Legalities or societys recognition means nothing to me. he has his money and i have mine. we also have a joint account. he buys things for me and i buy things for him. We never had a fought anything related to money. my kids- we take care of them- no problem w/ that. properties- he has his under his name, i have mine under my name. so why should we really hurry to marry? the only thing marriage will add to our present relationship is that we can be both beneficiaries of our insurance policies, i get to have his last name and
be buried under one last name, you know its no big deal to me….whether i get those or not…what matters is today we are happy and together unlike most married couple that i know- married but miserable, staying in a marriage for the wrong reason.
for you guys still in a happy marriage - i’m happy for you . for those in unhappy marriages - well- start thinking of a way out cause if you can’t save your marriage, you might as well save yourself and your kids. for those who haven’t tried marriage yet -well- i guess you you cannot have a convinvincing argument re pro or anti divorce stance cause expectedly -you’re in dreamland.
for those religious bigots- since you have mastered the art of suffering - go for it…suffer the consequence of all your mistakes…commit your whole life to suffering…commit a life of suffering too for your children … hopefully you will all be praised by your religious groups, earn a very beautiful image of someone good at cross bearing.. hossanah to you…better yet….why don’t you carry all our cross…who knows…you will even be annointed as saint… Santa Aguanta
then religious freaks can continue paganism kneel down to a new saint….
Hi All,
This is sri.
This site deals with Divorce in the Philippines.
Divorce court
Jer 3:8 And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.
GOD IS DIVORCED FROM ISRAEL BECAUSE OF HER ADULTERY. IF YOU ARE GOING TO BASE YOUR CONVICTIONS ON THE BIBLE THEN DON’T LEAVE PART OF IT OUT COZ IT DOESN’T FIT YOUR BRAINWASHING BY THE CHURCH. I WAS MARRIED IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH TO THE DEVIL. NOW I CAN’T GET A DIVORCE? I WAS YOUNG, ABUSED AND RAPED BY AN ADULT AND FORCED TO MARRY HIM. I AM SINGLE IF MY HUSBAND DIES? SLEEP WELL, MY HUSBAND. TOMORROW I WILL MAKE YOUR BREAKFAST.
can a second wife has the right for his husband property?coz in my case my husband was married before and we got married also in civil and in church..is are marriage legal?coz i dnt know before that he is already married..he told me after our wedding in civil…wat is my rights…?
Response to 4522:
logically- if your husbands??? previous marriage wasn’t annulled, then obviously your marriage to him is a farce, not legal. The only marriage that matters is civil.. why the hell would you still want to stay w/ someone who deliberately fooled you? if it’s all about properties for you- then sorry to say- if indeed he is still tied to his wife- then all you can possibly get is a lawsuit
Ignorance is no excuse. After all, you now know the truth….concubines cannot plead innocence all the time!
I´m a european and have been married for 12 years to a filipina - she´s my best friend, my biggest fan and my most loyal companion BUT..I left her…I moved to my own flat and left her with my three kids in our house. Why? Because she wants to own me, control me - and she can´t control her own moods and feelings. (there have been ripped cloathes, knives, screaming and tears…I´ve been to hell and back…) an somewhere along the way something died and I can´t bring it back, I can´t perform magic… I don´t wanna screw around and to think about myself only - I just wanna feel love, attraction, longing and even a bit jealousy… she absolutely, no, no, never wants to agree to divorce me. Luckily in Europe, only one party is needed to sign the papers, you then wait 6 months and - voila - you´re single.
BUT- we have three fantastic beautiful kids… and she´s threataning to bring them to the Philippines if I go throught with this… it´s so hard…I could sacrifice my happiness, live for my kids, my work and lousy tv-shows… but isn´t there more to life?
And I still CARE for her, I don´t want to hurt her - and it seems like the divorceban i RP is putting a huge stigma on her - shame on her whole family and difficulties for everybody to function as relatives in the future - if I go through with this…
don´t know how much more I can take…
[...] is, it shouldn’t be”. Funnily enough, it reminds me of my pro stand regarding the legalization of divorce in the country. Just because the Philippines is a country predominated by Christians, it means that the [...]